I'm having conflicting emotions. I don't really know where to call 'home'. My parents live in Kelowna and I have a lot of friends there including my best friend of the past 12 years. I still have a job in Kelowna even though I haven't lived there for the past 6 months. Basically I have a life there that I can pick up anytime I want.
But I also have a life on the island, specifically in Naniamo. I have a ton of friends there that I love. I have a job, and I'm in a school program that I enjoy. Camp is less than an hour away and I can see the ocean out of my window in my room. I love the island.
So where is my home? I have roots in Kelowna, and a future in Nanaimo. I have friends in both places, and family all over the country.
I guess for now I'll just keep doing what I do. 'Home' is whichever place I'm not at.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Just listen
If I tell you something, would you please just listen to what I have to say?
Please don't judge or stereotype what I am telling you. I'm sure that your friend so-and-so couldn't have gone through the exact same situation and felt exactly the same as I do about it.
Please don't try and solve my problems. If I wanted to know what you would do in my situation, I'd ask you.
Please don't interupt me to tell me lengthy analogies of situations that you have gone through that somehow relate to what I'm telling you. I don't like feeling vulnerable so it probably took me a lot of courage to tell you what I'm thinking and feeling. Interrupting me to tell stories of how you think I am feeling doesn't help.
If I tell you something, would you please just listen to what I have to say?
Please don't judge or stereotype what I am telling you. I'm sure that your friend so-and-so couldn't have gone through the exact same situation and felt exactly the same as I do about it.
Please don't try and solve my problems. If I wanted to know what you would do in my situation, I'd ask you.
Please don't interupt me to tell me lengthy analogies of situations that you have gone through that somehow relate to what I'm telling you. I don't like feeling vulnerable so it probably took me a lot of courage to tell you what I'm thinking and feeling. Interrupting me to tell stories of how you think I am feeling doesn't help.
If I tell you something, would you please just listen to what I have to say?
Friday, December 7, 2007
My feelings, or lack-thereof
I've realized this past couple of months or so that I'm a bottler-upper. I have a hard time telling people the emotions that I am experiencing or even how I feel about things that are going on in my life. Sure, I can relay straight up facts and tell a good story about them, but I have a hard time including any emotions other than frustration into my stories.
So at an attempt to work on this issue I've uncovered about myself and to hopefully sleep better at night, I am going to list 5 facts that are bothering me right now and 5 emotions to go with them.
1.) I'm irritated and slightly sad that the only reason the guy across the hall from me was paying special attention to me during a movie the other night was because he's trying to 'get in every hot girl's pants' on my floor. I guess you could say that I feel slightly let down. I had hopes that he was just trying to be friendly with no ulterior motives. I guess not.
2.) I'm excited but nervous about going home. I'm afraid that when I get there all of my old friends will have moved on, grown up, and changed so much that I won't even be able to relate to them anymore. I'm scared that I won't have anything in common with them and that my holiday will suck. But at the same time, I'm so excited to go home and see my family. I'm so excited to be able to see my mom and dad face to face. I can't wait to spend time with them.
3.) I'm lonely. I feel like there are people all around me, but none at the same time. I miss actually talking to people about things that matter. I've talked to so many people lately. But I feel like I haven't really talked to anyone in forever. Maybe it's just me.
4.) I'm sad. I'm sad that a lot of my friends are out partying tonight and that at 2 am I am guaranteed at least one drunk text or phone call. It makes me sad that this is the way they choose to have fun. And it makes me sad that they don't even remember it the next morning.
Alright, although I said I would make a list of 5...I can't. I can't think of any other emotions that I am willing to write down on a public blog. But at least 4 is a step in the right direction.
So at an attempt to work on this issue I've uncovered about myself and to hopefully sleep better at night, I am going to list 5 facts that are bothering me right now and 5 emotions to go with them.
1.) I'm irritated and slightly sad that the only reason the guy across the hall from me was paying special attention to me during a movie the other night was because he's trying to 'get in every hot girl's pants' on my floor. I guess you could say that I feel slightly let down. I had hopes that he was just trying to be friendly with no ulterior motives. I guess not.
2.) I'm excited but nervous about going home. I'm afraid that when I get there all of my old friends will have moved on, grown up, and changed so much that I won't even be able to relate to them anymore. I'm scared that I won't have anything in common with them and that my holiday will suck. But at the same time, I'm so excited to go home and see my family. I'm so excited to be able to see my mom and dad face to face. I can't wait to spend time with them.
3.) I'm lonely. I feel like there are people all around me, but none at the same time. I miss actually talking to people about things that matter. I've talked to so many people lately. But I feel like I haven't really talked to anyone in forever. Maybe it's just me.
4.) I'm sad. I'm sad that a lot of my friends are out partying tonight and that at 2 am I am guaranteed at least one drunk text or phone call. It makes me sad that this is the way they choose to have fun. And it makes me sad that they don't even remember it the next morning.
Alright, although I said I would make a list of 5...I can't. I can't think of any other emotions that I am willing to write down on a public blog. But at least 4 is a step in the right direction.
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