Childlike innocence

I stumbled across this picture tonight as I was looking through photos on my computer. As I gazed at my 2 year old face through my computer screen, I found it hard to recognize this little girl sitting on the Fischer-Price toy in front of me. Same dark eyes, same facial structure, my hair was a bit blonder back then, but still recognizable as me in the picture. Yet so much has changed since the summer day on which this photograph was taken.

I've grown up from the 2 year old little girl in the polka-dotted, white sundress to who I am today; an almost 19 year old university student.

I have made and treasured relationships with many people. I have made a few friends that I know will be around for the rest of my life. I have travelled to Cuba and France and seen the way that the people there live their lives. I have loved and been loved. I have graduated and learned to drive. I've cried, laughed, danced and yelled. I have grown in my faith and in my love of Christ.

Yet, for all of the amazing opportunities and learning that I have experienced in my life since this picture was taken, I still envy this little girl for something she has that I have somehow lost. Her innocence and complete dependance on something bigger than herself.

Through the many roads I have traveled, and the many things I have seen, I have lost that childlike innocence. The world is no longer a huge playground for me to play in, a happy place full of love and joy. I no longer look to my daddy for everything that I need. I have learned to rely on myself for my wants and needs.

I think this relates to my spiritual life as well. When I was young, I knew little and relied completely on my parents for my wants and needs. Now that I have grown older, I have learned to rely on myself more and more. In this way, I have developed tendencies to also act that way towards God. I offer Him situations in my life, but attempt to work through these situations that I have 'given God control of', by myself. Although I pray about situations, there is always an ounce of me that holds on and refuses to let go.

So this is what I'm praying for. In a small way, I would like to remain like this little girl. A child who, through everything she does, still relies on her Father up above to supply her with her every need.

Luke 18:16-17
Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn't recieve the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it."